


Too Old For Bullshit

by Townycod13



Category: South Park
Genre: M/M, holycrap this is dumb, im sorry bros
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2019-05-14 02:39:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14761020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Townycod13/pseuds/Townycod13
Summary: Kyle tries to figure out how to celebrate and gets himself a bday present





	Too Old For Bullshit

His birthday fell on a Saturday.

He was turning twenty-nine and it was the first birthday in years that his birthday fell on a weekend  _ and _ he didn't have to work on that day.

It was weird. He'd had to double-check how old he was turning, he just didn't really have time to think about his age much nowadays. He still wasn't  _ completely _ positive twenty-nine was the correct number purely because he'd only done a rough mental math and his math was prone to error. Was he turning twenty-eight? Thirty?

Did it matter?

It didn't. Not really.

Twenty-nine years old and he hadn't the slightest clue how to celebrate his birthday. He'd just been working through it in late years like it was any other year. His friends were all assholes and rarely got him gifts but that suited him well enough. His mom would call and sing to him. That was the beginning and end of it. Embarrassing motherly affections, a normal workday, and an occasional trinket from a friend that might have noticed the date.

Oh and of course the sea of well-wishers on facebook but he barely even read those. They mostly came from people he barely knew and had no interest in knowing better.

How did adults celebrate?  _ Did _ adults celebrate? He felt like he ought to know, he  _ was _ an adult. Although, in Stan's words, he was an extremely boring adult.

That suited him fine though. Boring was good. A good way to celebrate would be to just stay home, watch netflix, and recover from the workweek. No big parties or weird celebrations that he was probably too old for. Just him and his two good friends, Peace and Quiet.

Huh.

Twenty-nine though.

That was such an awkward number. He couldn't claim to be thirty yet but everyone would give him shit next year about being 'over the hill'. He could already hear the bullshit in the back of his head.

But not this year.

He felt like he was perhaps missing something. He had to be missing something. Everyone else seemed to think birthday's were important milestones and he just didn't care. Did that mean he was missing something?

His friends usually celebrated their birthdays. In their own ways. Maybe he should mimic them.

"Okay," Kyle leaned back on his couch and stared at the blank television, "Let's break this down. Why do people celebrate birthdays?"

The pet dog he was addressing, Penny, looked up at him blankly.

"Doing something nice for themselves, right?"

Penny thumped her tail and he assumed that meant a yes. Penny was a pretty good listener.

"So, I should celebrate by doing something for me."

Penny, seeming to realize this was going to be one of Kyle's longer tirades, lowered her head into a resting position. He'd have to get her treats.

"...what is it I want?"

He felt at a loss for an answer.

He'd done pretty good for a man in his late twenties. Well on his way to paying back student loans, a stable job, a functional social life, and a good relationship with his family. Sans his mothers nagging to find a nice girl to settle down with.

Kyle blinked.

The reflection of him in the blank screen blinked back and he felt his age. There were things, small things, big things, that he'd decided couldn't be changed and done nothing about.

That was it.

"I've got it, Penny. I know how I'm gonna celebrate."

Why wait around like an idiot?

Penny thumped her tail in acknowledgement of her name and if she had any more advanced thoughts, they were probably somewhere along the lines of 'stop talking to your dog like I can understand or respond. I can do neither and I demand scratchems for my professional skills as an adorable pet'.

No such scratchems occurred though because Kyle was already on his feet preparing.

\--

Kenny wasn't sure what to expect when Kyle appeared at his doorstep out of nowhere. It was a rare day off and Kyle normally kept to himself on the weekends. Or, at the very least, was more considerate than to drop by with no notice.

He opened his mouth to inquire but he should have known better. Kyle didn't wait for questions before providing answers.

"I'm twenty-nine today."

Oh, shit. It was Kyle's birthday. Right. Damn, he was a shit friend.

"Uh, happy birthday?"

"I'm twenty-nine and I'm absolutely done dancing in circles like a stupid fucking middle-schooler. I'm way too old for that bullshit and besides, I should get myself a birthday present."

Kenny wasn't following, "Okay?"

"So, you're coming with me."

Well, if there was one thing that could be said for Broflovski, no one did a kidnapping like him. If this could be called that, Kenny just shrugged and followed obediently, "Alright, dude."

It was best not to argue with Kyle when he got in one of his weird moods. Besides, spending the day with the birthday boy was a pleasant surprise. Kenny assumed Stan and David were probably busy, thus leaving him, but third choice wasn't bad.

Kyle marched purposefully ahead, every so often peeking back to make sure Kenny was still there, before continuing his forward with a smirk.

Kenny hadn't the foggiest idea where he was being led. It had to be close if Kyle hadn't brought his car.

"Okay, so, what are you thinking of getting yourself? We could hit up the mall?"

Kyle looked back and gave him an unimpressed look before rolling his eyes, "I already got it."

Kenny was back to being lost. If he wasn't here to accompany in gift shopping, what was he here for?

Speaking of locations, it looked like they were just heading to Kyle's apartment. His mind clicked, Kyle must've picked himself up some food and wanted someone to split it with.

Made sense, Kyle liked to try new foods. Seemed like a suiting treat on his birthday to maybe order too much.

He followed blindly all the way up to the room and was mildly put out that he didn't spot any fancy food spread.

Maybe it was ordered and on the way? That would be smart. It would be fresh and shit. Besides, Penny would get into it and then there'd be nothing for them.

"So--"

Kenny never got to finish his question, the minute the door was closed, Kyle turned around and that was quite an intense kiss. Wow.

By the time it was time to try that cool thing the kids called 'breathing' again, Kenny was pretty sure his brain was complete mush. He blinked dumbly at the red-faced smirking redhead.

"Uhh... yo--your present?" Kenny tried, vainly trying to remember what he was here for.

Kyle's smirk only grew and wrapped his arms around Kenny pointedly, "I told you, I already picked it up."

Slow as he was at the moment, Kenny finally worked this bit out, " _ Oh _ ."

Kyle rolled his eyes but one could refer to it as in an affectionate way before diving back in.

Kenny certainly wasn't complaining.


End file.
